Sixteen

I used to regret not being able to turn back time. How much energy I wasted on that thought, I can't even express. But it was quite a lot. And since no magic seems in sight, yet, to turn back the hands of time, I believe there is only one way to relive the past. How I, at times, wished I would enjoy the most beautiful moments of being sixteen again. But I turned older. Twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, fourty,... And the further I grew away from that magic sixteen, the more I longed for it. And well, it was eating me for all those years. Friends, lovers, kids, no one could take that longing feeling away from me. But one day I had the sweetest dream, I was sixteen again but with more wisdom than back in the day. In my dream I realised this was the most precious moment in life, and how much sweeter it was than the 'real' sixteen-old me.

I was walking the streets with her again, climbing the snowy mountain, rolling around in the snow, holding the hands I once adored so much. Once again I was talking to her, smiling at her. Once again she told me how she loved me, oh how I remember she really loved me. And how dumb I ever was in real life, but not in my sweet dream. Oh no, the magic moments all came together in this dream. Chasing butterflies in the sun, sitting by the water, hiding in high grass, fooling around on the hills of the mountain, laying on a blanket in the sun. Walking that same mountain in winter time, watching the snow fall, falling in the snow, rolling around, kissing her sweet lips, walking to her house, watching her mom cover her while she had to get out of the wet, cold clothes.

And how all this brought me to that magic moment a young man is blessed with. That precious first love that feels free enough to change clothes in front of him. That magic when she shows more of herself little by little, as it all is so new, so magical. How it all started with a forced meeting, holding hands, talking sweet, giving kisses. So obvious, but so precious. Perhaps those moments will never be met again in life. Maybe those are the best moments in life, or is that just too silly to think?

As I can not relive them, I am glad I can dream them. Whatever life brings to me, I had that beautiful sweet sixteen in my life, not all people in the world can say that. And one day, dear reader, one day I will find peace with it all and fly back in time to make sure I tell my old sweetheart what she meant to me. I believe we all should, no?