Complexity

My mind is too busy to concentrate on the story I was writing. I would never become a good writer, I am mentaly unstable, I can not continue or write one story for longer than 4 days. But well, maybe someone can once put all my thoughts and sheets together and create a comprehensive line of my sidesteps. I wish that person luck, I, myself, I can not see things clear.

To get a clear mind, what can one do? I have tried a few options so far:

1) Seek the company of friends
2) Seek the company of family
3) Seek the company of music
4) Seek the company of strangers
5) Seek the company of food
6) Seek the company of  exercise
7) Seek the company of traveling
8) Seek the company of reading

After spending my days doing these things seperately I will try now a combination of things. First of all I will start reading, a good book can comfort me, get me lost in a world someone else created. In order not to get lost in that world I will seek contact with my friends, as we need to feel a basis, a foundation of real life. And what better for that than friends? Thirdly I will make sure my body remains active, a reading mind without exercise turns into a desperate and lost human being. These three points will be the essence of my inner ressurection, of my search for peace.

On the side I will do my best to give love to my family, to be nice to strangers, but I can not promise these groups anything right now. Perhaps in another stage of my life, but at this point I guess all I can do is dissapoint them.

Music is always around, it has an effect on the state I am in while the state reflects the music in return. Focussing on music as such would be a dramatic choice, a road that would lead to pure destruction.

Once I feel my search for peace has effect I will travel the wide world, some say this is an action one can do in order to find that peace. I don't share this view. One can only enjoy the beauty of the world when one has found peace in oneself, or better when one is finding the peace. Without this peace perhaps we can appreciate beauty, be overwhelmd by it, but we can not relate to it, not connect it to our deepest soul. On the other hand perfect peace we will not find without seeing beauty in the outside world, we won't find it without the touch of nature or human beings. So travelling is not something one should do at the start of a peacefinding journey, nor at the end of it. I guess time will tell when the moment is right.

I guess the dear reader of my pages is wondering where love or women come in my search for peace. As this seems to be of such importance in my life. Well, dearest person, I have no idea, I can't tell. Maybe it can only regain acces to my mind when the peace returns? And since I talk about love in accordance with the mind, as a smart person, you know what that means.