Some people don't understand the wish to never have been born, some don't understand the wish to never having to die. I live with both feelings, which may seem contradictive. If you want not to have been born, than why would you want to live forever? If u never want to die, than why would u regret being born? When I look at it from a little distance, it makes sense to me.
Every human being is born and every human being will die. Since I am alive, I was born (so my parents told me) so not dying is my only option of not becoming a random human creature. And since I have a, let's say -not so positive- view on people, it just feels bad to be one of them. I have always considered myself to be something greater, better or something less than a human. But never did I face the possible truth: 'Fonchito, you are human!'. But now, as I am old and can't get out of this bed, I believe I am a human.
There is no way I will evade death, it is around the corner. I can see it smile at me, it wants me to admit to be human so it can take me away from this earth. Now my deepest wish is not to stay alive but never to have been born, since that would be my only option of being something different from all the human creatures. I have done the same things as those creatures: I have loved, hated, cheated, I have lied, mistreated people, I have given people trust , taken advantage of others. But most of all I have enjoyed things, oh please. I did the same, I was born and I am dying right now. I'll admit it, you horrible universe, I was a human. Now fuck off and let me rest.
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